Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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