There is no way he is gay with that hair.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
