You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
