He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
