I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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