i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
