I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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