I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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