omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
