I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
