it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
