I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
