I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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