I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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