Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
