He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
