carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
