So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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