apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She has the best kind of daddy issues
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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