A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
