One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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