Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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