Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I pour the whiskey from now on
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize