your room smells of hookers.
And success
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize