I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
