tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
