i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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