His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
