I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I met the friendliest cop last night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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