First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
