I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
