i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
