dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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