Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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