you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
