Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
