Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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