I just threw up on my dentist
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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