I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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