They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
