Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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