She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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