I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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