I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
