Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
