I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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