Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
