Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize