Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
