Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
