Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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