you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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