when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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