he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
