there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
