also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
