I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
