no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize