i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
