Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
