i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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