Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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