Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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