dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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