I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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