i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your topless pictures make me question reality
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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