saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
how does that bad decision feel?
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