I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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