is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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