making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
