The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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