I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
