Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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