OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
