ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
