I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
