alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
