Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize