"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
