I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
