Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
