I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
