I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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