I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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