Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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