Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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