i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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