Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
