Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
