oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How external is "for external use only"?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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