I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
