Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
