I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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