god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
