I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
