apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
