he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
