can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize