Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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