He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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