We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come share oat with me in your robe
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
