if i died would you start the facebook group?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
